Supporting Bereavement for Children and Young People

Bereavement can unfortunately impact the life of a child or a young person. This section will aim to support you in your role as an educator if this is applicable to any children or young people within your setting.

It is perfectly normal to have lots of questions and concerns around supporting someone so young experiencing bereavement, and importantly about managing your own thoughts and feelings during such a difficult period.

Children and young people may feel the sense of bereavement as much as the adults around them, however they may display this in different ways. Some children learn to grieve by modelling the adults around them and may look to the adults, including education staff, to provide much needed emotional support when they need it.

Child Bereavement UK have a website with resources on supporting bereavement and advise that young people may feel or experience the following:

- - - feelings of anxiousness at the uncertainty around for them
    - feelings of anger towards themselves or others
    - feeling a sense of responsibility for the adults around them
    - being in a sense of denial about the bereavement
    - engaging in risk taking behaviours at home, education or in the wider community
    - appearing not to react to the circumstances
    - being withdrawn from education or social circles
    - increased screen time and engagement on social media

Feelings of guilt are often commonly associated with bereavement, particularly if the bereaved child or young person feels they should have done more or spent more time with the person they have lost or had a difficult relationship with the person prior to their death.

They may also struggle to eat at all or eat more than usual, without thinking about it. Sleep can also be disrupted, with some finding sleep impossible or needing more sleep than before.

Young children aged 5-8 do not have the cognitive functioning to tell us verbally how they feel and may want to explore these feelings or emotions through play. It is important to try and connect with the child or young person at their level to support feelings associated with bereavement.

Older children may want to talk about the person they have lost, and it is important to try and listen to their story and how they feel whilst noting that there is no normal way to experience bereavement and that it can take a long time for the associated feelings to subside.

It is important to remember that nothing can take away the sadness or the pain that young people experience through bereavement, and some will continue to have these feelings of loss throughout their life, particularly if the relationship they had with the person who has died is very close, such as a parent or close loved one. However, there are ways we can try and support these emotions, and this can centre around trying to build a level of resilience for each child or young person.

Ways to support the CYP:

- - - Re-assure them that what they are feeling is normal and the death is not their fault.
    - Remind them that they are special in their own way.
    - Engage them with familiar routines to increase feelings of security.
    - Keep normal and clear boundaries within education settings.
    - Allow them to acknowledge the ever-changing emotions they are experiencing.
    - Let them laugh and have fun -reassure them that it is still okay to have fun - that it is in fact important to do so.
    - Keep them at the centre of their life, allow them to continue to make choices about how they feel.
    - Communicate with others, including family, to ensure support is consistent.
    - Praise and acknowledge successes or achievements.
    - Support them to look after their physical health as much as their emotional health.
    - Be patient and do not set time limits on bereavement.
    - Help them to build up a support network of family and friends.

It is important to remember that every child is an individual and has their own unique way of processing information; managing life before, during and after a bereavement will reflect this.

Although experiencing grief is a normal part of a person's life, nothing about it will feel normal. Over time, things will get better. This is known as ‘uncomplicated bereavement.’

However, on occasions, related emotions and feelings can stay with a person for an extended period and they will find it difficult to move through the stages of grief. This is known as ‘complicated bereavement.’

Bereavement related charities can provide help if you are concerned that a child or young person needs more support. They also provide useful tips and information on how to support someone experiencing these symptoms.

Cruse Bereavement Support has resources that are informative and applicable to young people with grief, loss, and bereavement, including a dedicated website for young people to visit.

Winston’s Wish are another charity that specialise in supporting young people with bereavement.

The NHS have produced some helpful tips on supporting bereaved children and young people, including:

- - - making a memory box to support emotions.
    - provide direct and open communication to a child or young person.
    - supporting children and young people through play.

References:

Child Bereavement UK

Resources:

Reviewed: July 2024

Supporting Bereaved Children and Young People

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